I am really glad for today...

Was honestly feeling very very burdened and tired.

Cried at home just before i left for church and the journey there was just torturous. It was as if i would never make it to church. But thankfully i did and like. It just felt so warm and home to me that i just broke down and cried my heart out. These few days have been rather bad and i have no idea why as well. O level stress played a little part i guess.... jealousy maybe? Jealous that others seem to get good results so easily? I felt quite 'away' from God for very long. I mean like. It's been so long since i actually broke down and cried to God. Sometimes i tear a little during altar calls but today was like sobbing and stuff. Maybe it is true that i build walls around myself so that i won't get hurt. But. Sometimes i guess i tell myself that im not a good friend and i don't wanna burden people, but i didn't realise that these friends actually do care and want to know about my life despite all their business.And honestly i thank God for that, and i know its partly my fault because i'm sometimes too shy to just say out things that are bothering me. Sometimes i just put it aside cuz i dont really wanna work up a fuss and it'll be too troublesome anyways. Yes, im laid back like that. I actually didn't wanna skip message today... i was really looking forward to hearing God's word. But i fell asleep in the toilet. Like. after all that crying, i just went to the toilet, then i closed my eyes for awhile then i slept. Yongquan prayed for me and i guess pastor adrian's prayer really was what i needed too... maybe its been so long since i felt God's love and honestly for the past 4 days i kind of felt alone in this world. Honestly, i do feel a little better. But im still a little apprehensive about my feelings and stuff. I feel a bit more mature though, like i am sort of appreciating the finer arts of the world and the scenery. I really want to study overseas. Am gonna work hard for it and hopefully get a scholarship. Its really pissing me off that i am only average in class work and even if i do pay attention and my teachers like me, its the results that matter after all.

With that i end my post with the happy news that emma watson is not dead. I mean she's british and not exactly 'movie star material' so maybe thats why some people don't like her. But i like her because she's the only actress that i know so far that actually wants to study after such a successful career. idk. haha ok i have weird taste i guess.